"Why did you do that to yourself?"

A few days ago I was doing some Christmas shopping with my two youngest girls. 

We get to the checkout and the lady scanning my items starts talking to them. 

This is a common occurrence when you have kids. The talking wasn’t the issue. 

She asks my 2 year-old if she likes being a big sister, to which 2yo replies:

“I’m the little sister!”

So I explain to the cashier that I have two daughters older than these two. 

Her reply? 

A very surprised, 

"Why did you do that to yourself?!”

Wait. What? 

It was one of those moments in which I didn’t really know what to say, so I just laughed it off.

 

Since I have had time to think back on it....

What a ridiculous thing to say to someone!

Although I am absolutely 1000000% happy with the four beautiful blessings God gave me to take care of in this life, I didn’t choose their gender. I didn’t choose their personalities. I didn’t choose anything about them. Kids are a package deal. You get what you get. You can’t pick and choose traits. If you want to argue science with me, I’ll show you a family picture in which you will see three blue-eyed, light haired children, one brown eyed-brunette girl, a blue-eyed dad with brown hair, and a brown-eyed, brunette mom. 

Conception is like a box of chocolates. 

I am very aware that it is a blessing in and of itself that I can even have children. There was a brief moment in time when I wondered if I could, because I had miscarried our first pregnancy. That was a scary time for me. Not to mention the fact that I am friends with two amazing couples who have struggled for years to have a baby of their own. If I could have a baby for them, I would do it in a heartbeat!

I never forget how blessed I am. Ever.

Please, for the love of all that is holy, do not ever ask a parent, “Why did you do that to yourself?”  While all of my pregnancies were very welcome and somewhat planned, there are people out there who have unplanned pregnancies, or find out they’re expecting multiples, or have a myriad of any other possible situations going on. Or maybe there’s a hope-to-be parent standing nearby wishing they could ‘do that to him/herself.’  

Choose your words wisely. 

The next parent you’re talking to may not have the same sense of humor I do.